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Fanfic, Junior's Diary, PG/PG-13, 2/24


2nd cycle, 54th day, Anhur era. (Feb 6 1998)

My team had gone to a planet that was heavily defended. It was one of Cronus's planets! Clearly they did not know this. How did they not know this? By Apophis, it is common knowledge!

It is really hard to foresee their ignorance, so they cannot expect me to warn them when they do not tell me their plans! They also cannot just assume I listen to all their debriefings - ninety-nine percent of them are more boring than watching Jaffa go through the same drill for the twentieth time!

So, I made my Jaffa move quickly and we easily escaped. The geeky underling known as 'Daniel' got away too, which must have been pure luck, but the two others did not. I have no idea why they were so slow - they were just behind us.

Perhaps they have a death wish? It may be time to look for other, more worthy servants!

'Daniel' decided 'Carter' and 'O'Neill' had probably been thrown out of the wormhole somewhere else, due to a malfunction of the chaapa'ai when it was hit by the weapons fire. That is an unusually intelligent deduction seeing as it comes from him.

What I do not understand is why they wanted to waste time and resources searching for 'Carter' and 'O'Neill'? I mean, if they have survived they might make their way back on their own, and if not then someone else just as capable (or incapable as is usually the case for the Tau'ri) could be assigned to SG-1. It is not as if humans are indispensable!

The people at my base did insist on searching, though, and time dragged on with that pointless exercise. It soon became clear that the Tau'ri did not even know about the chaapa'ai on Antarctica. On their own planet! I thought that was common knowledge, but apparently there is no lower limit to their ignorance and stupidity!

In order not to humiliate the fools completely (I can be kind, you know) I gave my geeky underling a small hint, and fortunately he realized what I meant - more or less. At least he caught on to the idea that there could be another chaapa'ai, and eventually the Tau'ri found it and we could rescue my other two team mates.

But did they thank me? No, of course not. It was just like always. Ungrateful bastards, all of them!

2nd cycle, 80th day, Anhur era. (Mar 4 1998)

My Jaffa is regrettably becoming too accustomed to the Tau'ri way of life. He still does his kel'no'reem, of course, but I suspect that is only out of self-preservation and not because he is giving any thought to how hard it is for me to keep him in good condition!

The food - and I am using the word loosely - on this base is disgusting. Even getting it second-hand as I am. I still have to smell it! And it is bad, I tell you!

Then there are times such as these, when my Jaffa indulges in something called 'team-night'. I permit it only because it gives me a chance to study the Tau'ri more closely. That will certainly come in handy when I have conquered their world.

The Tau'ri are very fond of watching something called 'television', or 'TV' as they call it for short.

They love abbreviating words, presumably because their intelligence is not high enough to permit them to pronounce full words, if they are longer than one or two syllables.

Television. It is a strange thing. The Tau'ri love it. The more outrageous the 'show', the better.

Well, I will readily admit there are some programs I do enjoy, particularly the ones with naked humans in them. It gives me a good opportunity to decide what kind of host I want. And what kind of slaves, of course.

I believe my Jaffa share my interest in these type of programs, at least if I am to judge the reaction they have on certain of his body parts... Why do I not have a host? This is one of the times I truly look forward to it.

There are many humans on the Tau'ri that I believe would make good slaves, but they need to learn to behave themselves first. The humans on this world are sadly lacking in that area.

Deep sigh.

That reminds me of my underling, 'O'Neill'. He is more insolent than most, and then there is also this 'nickname' he uses for me. 'Junior', he calls me. I believe it is meant affectionately, but it makes me furious!

Even deeper sigh.

Well, my Jaffa has a favourite 'movie'. It is called 'Star Wars'. He has already watched it several times, just this year.

No, it is not that good. Not even close. Of course, there are some valuable teachings in it, but mostly things that even infant Goa'uld would know. Jaffa, of course, do not have the benefits of genetic memory, so they probably find it more interesting and educational.

But I got away from my original point, which is that during team-night my Jaffa indulge himself in something called 'pizza'. It is unhealthy, and it smells quite nasty as well.

At least he does not drink beer, like the Tau'ri often does. That I would not permit!

Another thing he likes is 'doughnuts'. I tell you, way too much sugar. If he did not have me, he would no doubt have killed himself long ago, eating this kind of food!

I do not understand why he is not more appreciative of me. It amazes me daily how he can be so ignorant of the source of his strength and good health. He should thank me. Me and my awesome powers!

2nd cycle, 100th day, Anhur era. (Mar 24 1998)

The geeky underling designated as 'Daniel' found one of the quantum mirrors and stumbled into it after activating it. Clumsy as always.

Apparently, the universe he ended up in was one where the world of the Tau'ri was being conquered by Apophis. 'Daniel' did not like this, even though he should have been grateful and jumped at the chance of becoming the subject of a Goa'uld such as my illustrious father.

Of course, I can only assume it is because 'Daniel', like all my underlings, only wish to be ruled by me. While that is not surprising, I am flattered, of course.

In any case, my Jaffa and my other most faithful followers (or so they should be), decided that their world would probably also be attacked by Apophis in this universe, and so they disobeyed direct orders and escaped through the chaapa'ai.

We came to a ship owned by Lord Apophis, just as expected. I considered contacting him, or maybe his good-for-nothing son, Klorel, but I decided to wait and see how well their Jaffa performed.

I must say those Jaffa were disappointing! Not only did they take a long time capturing the intruders (us), but they did not recognize my greatness! They used a stun grenade against me, then threw me in a holding cell!

That is it! I am not giving those Jaffa any information! It is obvious that Apophis has a problem since he is employing such incompetent Jaffa! And Klorel? Why, exactly, did my father chose him as his heir, and not me?

Klorel is not a worthy heir! He can barely control his host, and he wanted to kill me in order to punish my Jaffa. Me! I am horrified! What is wrong with these people?

As if these things were not enough, it turns out Klorel was being betrayed by the Jaffa designated as 'Bra'tac'. Yes, my Jaffa, 'Teal'c's' master. Klorel is completely incompetent in every way!

How can Apophis not see this?

Another question - why did he not discover Bra'tac's treachery? How, when it is so obvious? Is he just being magnanimous to the point of stupidity? Or is it, perhaps, a ploy in order to re-capture Teal'c? I do know that my Jaffa is considered a great prize, most likely due to the honour he enjoys from being allowed to carry me.

There were many difficult choices for me there, but in the end the only one that matters is me. I am going to be the ruler of the whole Galaxy, so I cannot risk jeopardizing that by warning Apophis, as regrettable as that is.

With that decision made, me and my underlings blew up Apophis's ships. I have no doubt that one day I will probably have to fight him in any case, in order to make it clear to him that I am his master, so I can just as well make my superiority known now. It will be easier in the long run.

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