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Fanfic, Junior's Diary, PG/PG-13, 9/24


3rd cycle, 46th day, Anhur era. (Jan 29 1999)

The fools at 'Stargate Command' connected the chaapa'ai to a planet in a binary system, where one of the stars was about to explode as a supernova. How could they not detect this? No Goa'uld would have made this error! We have the technology to predict such things!

I can only conclude that the Tau'ri were either too stupid to think of it, or too primitive to know how to detect it. Whatever the case, it does not bode well for our future cooperation - if I even survive for long if I remain with these bumbling idiots!

Then, when they failed to disconnect the wormhole, and the whole planet was threatened with destruction, they did not even ask me if I would be able to locate a ship so that I, the most valuable individual on the whole world, could escape!

Out of insanity they just tried cutting the power. When the wormhole was obviously powered by the black hole! My Jaffa foolishly decided to remain standing in harms way, just as the haphazard power connections they use to run their chaapa'ai, was short-circuited. A large electric bolt leapt out and caught my Jaffa - and who do you think had to heal him? Me, of course. As usual.

If they had asked me, I might even have helped them build the technology needed to shut off the wormhole! I am sure I would have been able to figure it out in no time!

Instead they spent a long time - many weeks I am told later - deciding to solve the problem with a focused explosion. I mean, that might work, but it is certainly neither the safest, surest, or most effective way of shutting down a wormhole!

Luck followed them, though, and the connection was broken before we were all killed.

Such reckless behaviour and gambling with the life of others!

3rd cycle, 53th day, Anhur era. (Feb 5 1999)

My team went to a place that was filled with alien technology, and seemingly deserted. Then Ma'chello appeared! I thought we had gotten rid of him, but it is clear that many of the other System Lords are incompetent and that I have to do everything myself! That is just typical!

In complete accord with the treason he is known for, he tricked one of my underlings, 'Daniel', in order to take over his body! That is an offense! Only Goa'uld are allowed to use the body of a human slave as their vessel! For a human to do so to another human is... disgusting, perverted, blasphemous!

It took my stupid team members a long while to realize what had happened, and then they decided to bring the accursed piece of technology to Stargate Command, in order to experiment with it. Unsurprisingly, they did not heed my warnings, and my Jaffa ended up having his consciousness switched with 'O'Neill'.


To make things worse, my otherwise acceptable home (mostly) came down with a disease. O'Neill was completely oblivious to the most basic parts of kel'no'reem, and gave me no help at all in curing the body he was currently inhabiting.

Must I do everything myself? After I had moved around a little and nipped him a little here and there, he finally realized something was amiss! How can he be so slow?

Then he called me Junior again!

I hate him!

Fortunately, Teal'c was able to teach him... adequately, and I cured the minor ailment quickly with my usual phenomenal skill.

After Daniel convinces Ma'chello that what he has done is wrong for a human, they switch places and everyone returns to where they belong. That is good, of course, but I would have preferred Daniel had not used 'Goa'uld' as if he thought it was something bad! I suppose he might have done it because it would work on Ma'chello - a known genocidal maniac - but still!

3rd cycle, 61st day, Anhur era. (Feb 12 1999)

The Tau'ri received a transmission, which they believed came from their friends, the Tok'ra shol'vah.

So naturally they immediately went to see what their Tok'ra friends - or masters, since even heretic gods are gods, after a fashion - wanted!

*Shakes head.* I really do not understand. If they want to serve Goa'uld (which is natural, of course), then why not serve true Goa'uld, instead of some perverted heretics like the Tok'ra?

I should just stop trying to understand the Tau'ri - they are just too strange!

Regardless, big was our surprise - yes, mine too I shall have to admit - when instead of the Tok'ra, Apophis had sent the transmission! After we had waited on the planet for some time, a deathglider crashed! It was being chased there! We were also being shot at!

Apophis was in the crashed deathglider! He demanded sanctuary from the Tau'ri, and they brought him back to Stargate Command.

Apophis wanted sanctuary? He was being chased by another Goa'uld? I suddenly had to wonder if he had lost his empire? All his power? How could this have happened?

Naturally, I was convinced that this was a trick, and that Apophis had some plan. I mean, that was the most likely explanation, was it not?

However, as time passed, I began to realize that was not the case. I had to admit he was truly being hunted by a stronger Goa'uld, and had lost his empire!

How disappointing!

I have now lost all respect for him! He is clearly not someone I will ever work for! Not even for the short time between I take my first host and I take my rightful place as ruler of the Galaxy.

This was turning out to be a really bad day, and to make it even worse, the Tok'ra arrived!

The Tok'ra! I will let that stand for a moment, because how could anyone expect something like that? I mean, they are hunted across the Galaxy, by all sane people, but they know they have the Tau'ri fooled to the point where it will be safe to go to the world of the Tau'ri!

And they were right! Yes, the Tau'ri just opened their iris for them! And let them waltz onto the base!

Goa'uld they bar from entry or lock up in chains, but the Tok'ra? They were invited in as guests, and allowed to walk freely! It is shocking!

The Tok'ra are the worst enemies ever of the true Goa'uld, and they should be eradicated! Instead, the Tau'ri allow them into their midst, and listen to their advice!

The science freak 'Carter' even invited the Tok'ra 'Martouf' to stay and help 'interrogate' Apophis! Martouf is the host, by the way, his symbiote is called Lantash and seems content to leave his host in control most of the time. Perverse, but that is the Tok'ra for you! How did they become like this? I shudder just thinking of them!

The day just kept getting steadily worse, because the next that happened was that Sokar attacked.

Sokar was supposed to be dead! Clearly he is not, and he seemed to have picked the Tau'ri for eradication due to their idiocy of taking Apophis back with them.

One good thing came of all this mess, though. The Tok'ra inadvertently gave me some useful information, while he was being a helpful servant to the Tau'ri (disgusting). He informed us that Sokar is fighting Heru'ur, and that this is currently keeping him occupied. Now this is important news!

I have forgot to note this, but Teal'c spent most of the time while Apophis was on the base gloating. Most unbecoming of a Jaffa! Even a former System Lord, now in disgrace such as Apophis, is of course infinitely above a Jaffa!

Then something happened I thought was impossible. Apophis died! How could this happen? He is a god! It must be caused by what Sokar did to him! Even so, I cannot stop thinking it must be a trick, a way to make his enemies leave him alone, perhaps? While he is regaining his forces?

Still, if Apophis has to resort to such low schemes, then he is not a worthy Goa'uld!

Then the Tau'ri again listened to their Tok'ra masters (or is it the other way around? It is impossible to tell with people so perverted), and sent Apophis's body back to where they had taken him from.

That, at least, was good advice.

The Tok'ra Martouf then informed the Tau'ri that Apophis would be revived in a sarcophagus and likely tortured endlessly by Sokar. This seemed to please the Tok'ra, but not (all) of the Tau'ri. Of course, the Tau'ri knows subconsciously the Goa'uld are their gods, and so they cannot truly wish harm on them, whereas the Tok'ra have no such problems, of course.

The day ended with a disgusting little display of Tok'ra-Tau'ri friendship! The Tok'ra gave the Tau'ri some Tollan technology so they could contact the Tok'ra (I need to remember the Tok'ra and the Tollan are apparently friends). Then the Tau'ri gave the Tok'ra one of those devices that will allow the iris to be opened. Just like that! They gave them the means to enter their base, anytime!

I will never understand the Tau'ri! Or the Tok'ra.

*Shakes head.* What a horrible day!

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