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Fanfic, Junior's Diary, PG/PG-13, 10/24


3rd cycle, 74th day, Anhur era. (Feb 26 1999)

After several boring missions, this one started out somewhat strangely as well as potentially interesting. A race that was able to override the Tau'ri iris dialled in. They clearly have some technology I might be interested in!

What appeared to be a human child came through the chaapa'ai. Even the Tau'ri were suspicious - they have clearly heard of Nirrti and the likes.

My science-geek underling went to check out the child, to determine if he might have naquadah in his blood. It is quite useful that she now has this ability, after being host to the Tok'ra Jolinar.

However, I must admit I am sometimes suspicious of her. I know she does not just have physical changes to her body, she also carries some, if not all, of Jolinar's memories. While she cannot access them all - which is lucky for her, or she would be Jolinar - they must affect her. I cannot imagine that they would not, since there are millennia of knowledge and memories there, far more than what a human has.

As an aside, it is also lucky otherwise. If she was any more Jolinar than she is, I would know with certainty I could not trust her, and so could not keep her as my underling. I am sure that she would become heartbroken if she were not allowed to serve me!

So... I am legitimately concerned about her loyalty. She may well have acquired the Tok'ra's blasphemous, treasonous attitude towards the Goa'uld! I must keep an eye on her always!

Regardless, the humans accept the 'human' child onto the base, and he starts talking about a danger - from the Retou!

So, there are some Retou rebels who wish to destroy the Goa'uld by killing off all humans. It is a most unpleasant idea, but hardly something that would destroy the Goa'uld. We can find other hosts, and have done so in the past. True, they may not be as ideally suited, but they will work until we can exterminate the Retou and recreate the human race from preserved specimens or something.

That is, if my incompetent brethren allowed the Retou to carry out their plan. I cannot imagine they would be that ignorant.

The Retou will never win!

I soon met a Retou - that is, I sensed it! It was the most unpleasant sensation I can ever remember experiencing! Intensely painful and almost causing me to black out. I did my best to make it clear to my slow Jaffa that he was not to take up position near those things, and finally he realized. I had to bite him to make it clear to him!

In fact, I was the only one on the base sensitive enough to detect these horrible creatures, so they should have thanked me for discovering it! But of course they did not. They never do!


Soon the Tok'ra arrived, though. This time it was not the one that - as perverse as that is - seems smitten by my science-geek underling Carter, but instead the one that has taken her father as host.

Obviously, the Tok'ra can sense the Retou - and I must admit I was gloating a little when their hosts suffered as well! That is what you get for this 'body-sharing' you seem to like so much! Hah!

The Tok'ra brought the Tau'ri some weapons they had ripped off from weapons stolen from the Goa'uld! That is an outrage! To give such weapons to mere humans!

When the Tok'ra left, after assisting me slightly in destroying the Retou on the base, they admitted that I was the only hope the base had against the Retou! I am surprised that the Tok'ra are this intelligent!

It is true, of course. I am the best hope the Tau'ri has against the Retou - and any other enemy for that matter! I am awesome!

3rd cycle, 81st day, Anhur era. (Mar 5 1999)

Sometimes I wish I had not been forced into isolation from other Goa'uld by my Jaffa's choice to betray his god. Mainly because I have no opportunity to tell others about my experiences. Maybe I should get a 'talk show', as they call them. That is something my Jaffa watches sometimes. I am sure I would become a huge success. Not only because I am incredibly intelligent and good looking, but I also have more fantastic stories to tell than almost any others. Add to that the fact that I am a god, and I cannot imagine there would be anyone who would not watch my show religiously.

Haha *snort*. That was a joke, get it? Religiously! Because I am a god, so it would be like a sermon to my people!

Anyway, what happened to us during our most recent mission was truly impressive. We travelled through time! Back in time, to the world of the Tau'ri in the year 1969 - measured by their calendar, of course.

My team had a unique opportunity to take advantage of all that they knew would happen. It would also help me become a powerful System Lord much quicker, because I would know many of the events that would happen before they happened.

Did my team decide to do any of these obvious things? Take advantage of their fore-knowledge in any way?

No, not in the least! Fools! Instead they travelled around in a painted 'car', with some losers in weird clothes!

By the way, cars are something that should be made illegal. They are highly unsafe, as well as painfully slow. The only reason the Tau'ri use them is that they are too primitive to make something more advanced. Poor losers!

We spent days in the past, doing nothing interesting! All my team wanted was to return to their own time, and they did not listen to me at all!

It was so disappointing!

Eventually we just returned through the chaapa'ai, to the present time. The only thing we got out of this was the knowledge that you can use solar flares in combination with the chaapa'ai to time travel, but it seems a much too uncertain and cumbersome way to do it, so while time travel is intriguing and a way to power quickly, I believe I shall wait for some better way to be found.

Or else I have to find it myself. I can do that, of course, with my fantastic, awesome scientific powers!

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