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Fanfic, Junior's Diary. PG/PG-13, 23/24


4th cycle, 36th day, Anhur era. (Jan 19 2000)

We had just returned to the base after some 'needed' relaxation (hah! humans always seem to need to relax! Such weak fools!) when the chaapa'ai activated and a small feline lifeform walked through. It was apparently the one my underling Carter had gifted to the Tollan Narim, when they were stranded here almost 2 years ago.

They should have focused more on the fact that those who sent the cat, obviously had the technology to walk through the Tau'ri iris - and walls. Yes, it was the Tollan, and that is a technology is one I want! I want all their technologies!

Then Narim came waltzing through after the animal, and the Tau'ri greeted him reasonably friendly - particularly my underling Carter, who apparently has some lingering fondness for him. Though no where near as much as he -he was clearly badly smitten still.

I cannot permit anyone to pursue her! She is my servant and must focus on me, exclusively!

Fortunately, this accursed Tollan had other business. Apparently my team was needed for a trial (which they called 'Triad'). Someone named Skaa'ra needed us, and I fear that is the name Klorel's host had before he took over the body. I say had, because nothing of the host remains, of course - unless you are a weak symbiote like the Tok'ra, and seem to like keeping them around.


So, I was naturally suspicious of this request for assistance, since there could no longer be someone named Skaa'ra. At least not the Skaa'ra my team members had known. I thought, perhaps the Tollan had misunderstood something and it was a completely different person they were talking about?

Regardless, I decided to allow my team to accompany Narim back to Tollana, the new Tollan homeworld. Why, do you say? Because of the possibility of gaining access to their technology, of course!

That means we went to Tollana. I can now report that the Tollan have constructed a chaapa'ai, perhaps with some help from the Nox!

Yes, the Nox are fairly advanced of course, and if they start cooperating with other races in the Galaxy, we may need to keep an eye on them, despite their stated pacifism.

Pacifism! It is despicable! They defend themselves with trickery! I cannot help but think it is in order to hide that they are less powerful than they want us to believe!

But to get back to the Tollan and this 'Triad' as they called it. My good-for-nothing brother Klorel had fled an overwhelming force (hah!) and crashed his ship on Tollana. I learned that he is still weak and his host had assumed control (proving that he was not yet mature enough to take a host - why did my illustrious father insist on giving him a host before he was ready?) and asked the Tollan for a trial for possession of the body.

Insolence! How dare a host claim ownership of the body that now belongs to a god? Zipacna - still loyal to my house - argued as best he could, and I believe he and Klorel should have won.

Unfortunately, my Jaffa and Carter spied on Zipacna's Jaffa - against not just my explicit orders, but those of the Tollan and of O'Neill as well!

Traitors! Did they not understand that Zipacna and Klorel were going to use this excellent opportunity to conquer the Tollan, rid the Galaxy of those pests, and take their technology for my house?

Idiots! I have never experienced anyone behaving so stupidly before!

My team destroyed the plan completely!

I do not believe I shall ever forgive them!

At least Klorel is no longer a threat. The despicable Tok'ra removed him from his host and put him in a tank! It is a horrible thought, to be removed from your host, and were he not my rival, I would have stopped it.

As it is, I shall give all my team members black marks in my book, and my Jaffa will have to suffer some most unpleasant indigestion.

I am really much too kind and forgiving!

4th cycle, 45th day, Anhur era. (Jan 28 2000)

This was one of those missions where it differed wildly what my team experienced and what I experienced.

As usual, the reason was my superior intellect, skill, and powers.

We went to a planet that the MALP had indicated was a tropical planet.

I should explain - this is a sort of probe they send first to see if there is anything that seems dangerous to the poor little humans. They are such jittery, fearful creatures.

So, the MALP indicated it was a tropical planet, with a beach near a sea.

*Shudders.* I believe I have mentioned my issue with seawater before. It is horribly unpleasant to get on your skin, and it can take hours, if not days, before the irritation is gone.

However, thankfully it turned out that the planet did not look like that at all. At least not the part we went to. We arrived in a laboratory, and met a local scientist. He did something to my teammates, but for some reason not to me (because I am too cool and dangerous an adversary, probably), and they forgot everything that happened there.

Just like that!

This means that when we came back, and Hammond inquired where we had been for all of 15 hours, my teammates thought they had only just left!


Unfortunately, no one asked me what had happened! As usual. I decided that I would not volunteer any information until they asked! They have to learn it sometime!

If nothing else, I was treated to some laughably stupid things. You see, my team had been implanted with a small artificial lifeform, which was talking to them and affecting their behaviour. Fairly innocuous, but also troublesome and clearly annoying.

For instance, my Jaffa took a liking to very hot coffee, and drank a whole pot of it! Just like that, in one gulp!

I considered leaving him to suffer a sore throat for a while, but since I am such a kind symbiote, I fixed him up nicely. I suppose it is not his fault he was implanted with an artificial lifeform, but I do consider it a sign of weakness that he succumbed so quickly.

Then my team, including my Jaffa, ate enormous amounts of cakes and desserts. Now, I have regularly commented on how much they eat, particularly my Jaffa. He can stuff himself like the best of them, even normally. Now, however... *shakes head.* I am quite sure he would become fat, where it not for me, and even I would have a hard time if he had kept eating that much dessert!

It was insane! Well, that was the only description in general for their behaviour!

Finally, they agreed to go back and talk to the alien who had done this to them, but where they angry over what they had experienced? Oh, no! They felt that 'poor Urgo' (the artificial lifeform called itself that) deserved a life, and to see the Galaxy. Not only that - they managed to convince the more advanced alien who had done this to them, to allow this Urgo to possess him.

Insanity! But I suppose that describes humans in general. And Jaffa, apparently. It is obvious why they are not gods!

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