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TITLE: Remembering
AUTHOR: Roeskva
CATEGORY: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
CHARACTERS: Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, O'Neill, Martouf/Lantash, Jacob/Selmak, others
RATING: NC-17
WARNINGS: Sex, Character death
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment only and not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
SUMMARY: SG-1 and a group of Tok'ra goes on an archaeological expedition to a planet with Furling ruins. The population know nothing about the Furlings, nor are they interested in them or their ruins. However, when a seismic tremor causes a a cave-in and one of SG-1's own are killed, the locals disclose their secret. What happens then is unexpected, to say the least. Written for the 2010 contest on the samandmartouf LiveJournal community, using the prompts: flashback, i missed you, memories, our love does not end in death, realizations, return, resurrection, remembering, surprise, true feelings, we meet again.
PAIRINGS: Sam/Martouf/Lantash
SPOILERS: Everything up until very early fourth season of SG-1.
STATUS: Complete

-----
"You're sure about it, Doctor Jackson?" Hammond said.

"Yes, sir. The inscriptions on the tablet is in Furling, Nox, Asgard, as well as Ancient...which, by the way, makes it a sort of Rosetta-stone. We will finally be able to learn more about the Furling language!" Daniel knitted his brows. "What was I talking about...oh, yeah. The text is very clear. There is no doubt P3X-921 was once a Furling world. It also mentions some sort of machine, or perhaps a laboratory. SG-4 reported spotting more ruins outside the area where the tablet was found. I suggest we investigate them immediately."

Hammond thought about it for a moment. "I agree. It sounds like it might be important. You have a go."

"Thank you, sir." Daniel smiled.

"When do we leave, sir?" O'Neill was not exactly pleased at the prospect of another archaeological mission. However, a peaceful trip might just be what they needed after helping the Asgard against the replicators and subsequently nearly drowning in a Russian submarine.

"As soon as the Tok'ra can send the people they want to accompany you."

"What! The Tok'ra?! Why?" O'Neill now looked decidedly unhappy.

"As you know, we agreed to a number of joint missions, and this seems like an ideal opportunity."

O'Neill groaned, but did not argue any further.

-----
Two days later, SG-1 was waiting in the gateroom. The Tok'ra had replied they would send someone to accompany them on the mission, and they would arrive any moment now.

"Ten to one we'll get Anise." O'Neill gave the others a long-suffering look.

"Since it's primarily an archaeological mission, that seems likely, yeah." Daniel agreed.

"Off-world activation...it's the Tok'ra." Harriman announced over the speakers.

"Well, we'll soon know." Sam smiled and turned to look at the event horizon.

Moments later, first one, then two more figures appeared.

"Dad!" Sam's smile grew larger and she started walking towards the new arrivals. "...and Martouf..." She gave him a warm smile and looked to the third person.

"Si'anna." Jacob explained. "She's one of Anise's students."

"Where's the charming person herself, anyway? We'd so been looking forward to seeing her again." O'Neill said, his tone of voice making it obvious he did not mean it.

On the other hand, this new female Tok'ra...O'Neill looked at her again. She was actually very attractive, with long dark brown hair and the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen. He shook himself. He was so not going to fall for a Tok'ra!

"Well, if you feel that way, we can call for her..." Jacob teased, then sobered. "The Tok'ra really wish to make an effort to improve relations with the SGC. It was obvious from your last meeting that you did not get along well with either Anise or Freya, so it was decided to send someone else. Someone whom you've been on successful missions before and can get along with. Si'anna is here since she's an archaeologist. She's also a really nice person, so even you, Jack, should be able to get along with her."

"Si'anna's as good at Furling as Anise?" He looked at the Tok'ra woman again, smiling a little, despite himself. She smiled back at him.

Jacob laughed. "Anise does not speak Furling, or know much of anything about the language - not as much as Selmak, at any rate. As the oldest and wisest, she has picked up some of it here and there."

"Okay, I'll buy that. What about the others, then. Are they old and wise too?"

"Um, not quite. Both Lantash and Si'anna were in Egeria's last batch." Jacob smiled.

Si'anna nodded. "Lantash is actually younger than me - being the last born - but I assure you, we will both be of use to you on this mission." She sounded as enthusiastic as Daniel.

O'Neill grinned and looked to Martouf and Lantash, who did not seem to appreciate Jacob mentioning them as being the youngest of the Tok'ra.

Teal'c bowed his head respectfully. "I look forward to working with you all on this mission."

"Let's get going then - if every one's ready?" O'Neill said.

-----
When they arrived on P2X-384, it was early in the morning there. They sat up camp near the newly discovered, larger area of ruins, then began examining the site.

O'Neill and Teal'c were guarding, with Sam and Martouf/Lantash assisting now and then, when they were not helping the three who was studying the ruins and the many inscriptions.

From time to time, small groups of people from planet showed up, to observe the strangers. SG-4 had made preliminary contact with them, and had reported they were peaceful, but completely uninterested in the ruins. They also knew nothing about the Furlings, since they had fled to this planet - from Goa'uld slavery - some centuries ago.

-----
"According to this inscription, the Furlings used this planet as a research base. That explains why there is only a relatively limited number of ruins. There never was a large population here." Selmak said.

"What did they research?" Sam asked, a little more interested than before. "Do you know?"

Martouf followed along as well, looking rather bored at the prospect of a lecture about Furling technology. He had originally joined the mission in the hopes of getting to talk to Sam. He and Lantash had discussed it to great lengths, and had agreed it was time they found out if she had feelings for them - and told her of their feelings, as well.

"Actually...we don't know for sure." Daniel said. "We don't know the words they use to describe their research, but we have found a room which appears to have been a lab, so perhaps that will help. Care to take a look?" Daniel looked expectantly at Sam, Martouf, and Selmak. None of them looked exactly thrilled.

"I would like to study these inscriptions further, but you go ahead." Selmak said.

Sam looked like she was trying to invent an excuse as well, but nodded politely. "I'll take a look."

Martouf looked unhappy, but prodded by Lantash he admitted he would rather do something boring - together with Sam - than stay here with Selmak. And truth be told, it was no more interesting to study the inscriptions. The laboratory might at least contain something interesting. Or so he hoped.

"I will accompany you as well."

Sam smiled at him. She was very happy he had joined them. After their previous mission with him, she had noticed how happy she always was to see him.

She had spent some time thinking about him and trying to figure out what her feelings for him were. Her feelings, she had realised, not just Jolinar's. Though, to be honest, she supposed she could never be completely sure which came from who. Her own emotions may well have originated with Jolinar, but she was now certain a lot of what she felt for him came from herself.

She realised she needed to talk to him about it. They both...all three...lived dangerous lives, and each mission might be their last.

However, what did they feel? Martouf seemed very happy to see her, but was it just because she carried a part of Jolinar? Did he love her? Or did he just see her as a friend_ Sometimes she more than suspected he had feelings for her, but she was afraid to confront him. Afraid of how he would react.

Then there was Lantash, of course. What did he feel? And what did she feel, for him? Because she would never consider a relationship with Martouf, if she did not want Lantash as well. She could not...would not do that to him.

The Tok'ra loved as one. She remembered Martouf telling her, that day when they first met. She did not doubt it - and that meant, that if Martouf had feelings for her, then so did Lantash.

Sam had not talked much to Lantash. He had rarely taken control after the first few times they had met. She suspected he feared she - or at least the rest of her team - preferred to talk to Martouf instead. He was probably right - at least about her team mates not wanting to talk to a symbiote, unless they had to.

However, she was not so sure she agreed with them. Actually, she was certain she did not. While she had sometimes felt a little nervous around Lantash, that was no longer the case. She wished he would take control more often, wished he would talk to her, spend time with her...but she did not feel she could ask for it. She feared it would be seen as strange, but she really wished to get to know him better.

Of course, in a way she knew him extremely well. Probably, she knew him and Martouf better than she knew anyone else. Even though she could not always remember specific events in Jolinar's life clearly, she remembered enough to know what kind of men her former symbiotes' mates were. Enough to know she would get along very well with both of them.

She also remembered other, more intimate details about them. She blushed, thinking back to the many dreams she had had about them. Several of these dreams had been highly erotic, and she found herself longing for similiar experiences of her own, with them.

All this went through her head now, standing here among the ruins of an ancient civilization. Martouf stood beside her, close enough she could sense the heat from him. She closed her eyes for a moment, and suddenly had a very vivid memory flash from Jolinar. He put his arms around her, pulling her close and kissing her deeply, passionately...

She gasped and the others in the room looked strangely at her.

"Sam? Are you OK?" Jacob's voice pulled her out of her reverie.

"Samantha?" Martouf asked, worriedly.

Daniel had begun walking towards the room he wanted them to look at, but now came back. "Sam?"

"I'm OK. It was just...a memory flash."

"From Jolinar." Martouf said. It was not a question.

"Yes." She felt the blood rise in her cheeks again and her ears burn.

"Is there a problem? Did anything in here triggered it?" Jacob wondered.

"I hope it was nothing too unpleasant?" Martouf said, still concerned.

"No! No...eh...I'm fine." Sam looked quickly at Martouf, then down. "It was...um...of a more...personal nature...if that's the right word. Well, personal for her, at least..."

Martouf smiled, a little mischievously, realising the memory flash had included him. His smile grew wider as Lantash suggested the likely nature of the memory flash.

"Ah...well, I don't think we need to hear more about it, then." Jacob said, giving Martouf a warning look.

"Shouldn't we go look at that lab, Daniel?" Sam said, hoping to divert every one's attention from her memory flash.

"Yes. Let's. Come on, guys!" Daniel said.

They politely followed him, Sam and Martouf giving each other small, shy glances now and then. The mission was already starting to become much more pleasant!

The room Daniel took them to was relatively large and full of rubble. Along the sides were something which might have been used for storage, as well as several broken tables. Here and there stood an odd contraption, of unspecified use.

"This place - despite the devastation - seems reasonably well preserved." Martouf observed. "When do you believe the Furlings left this place?"

"At least 10000 years ago, probably longer."

"Really?" Sam looked at the place in shock.

"Then this room must have been sealed until very recently, or it would have been in a much worse shape." Martouf noted. "Much of the equipment seems relatively undamaged.

Sam walked over to the far end of the room and started looking at some kind of machine. "This area is prone to periodic Earthquakes - or P2X-384-quakes, I guess." She noted. "Probably one of those caused both the destruction and the unsealing of this lab."

As if on cue, everything started shaking and there was an ominous rumbling, followed by the roof caving in. Through the dust-filled air they heard a scream coming from Sam, followed by a large crash.

"Samantha!" Martouf yelled, feeling fear grip him. However, there was no way he could get to her while everything was shaking, and dust and stones were raining from the roof.

When the air finally cleared a little and the walls stopped shaking, Martouf and Daniel nervously looked around, searching for Sam. The whole part of the room where she had been, was buried under rocks and rubble.

Both Daniel and Martouf called out for Sam, but received no answer. Martouf began digging, careful not to cause more stones to fall. He was soon helped by a terrified Jacob, who had joined them as soon as the tremors stopped.

Daniel quickly hurried to get O'Neill and the others.

-----
It took them about an hour to dig out Sam. By then, she was long-since dead, and there was nothing they could do - even with a healing device. They gently moved her body outside, not knowing what else to do.

*No!* Martouf sat down on a rock, feeling like crying. *She can't be dead! There must be something we can do!*

"I feel as you do.* Lantash answered sadly. *However, I do not believe anything except a sarcophagus can save her now.*

*Then we must find one - and quickly!*

*I know of no one that is available for us - and it is not our way. You know we do not use the sarcophagus - for any reason. We must not do this to her - if nothing else, we can at least honour her memory.* Lantash sounded as close to crying as Martouf.

*We did not even get to tell her about our feelings...*

*Perhaps it is better that way.* Lantash said, not really meaning it.

Jacob was as devastated as they, and refused to talk to anyone. Selmak took control and tried to comfort him as best as she could, while their friends sat around them, each mourning in their own way.

-----
Suddenly, a small group of the planet's inhabitants approached from the treeline.

"Your friend is dead?" A middle-aged man, apparently their leader, asked.

"Yes...there was a...rock slide...when the ground shook." Daniel explained.

The local man nodded. "It is a common occurrence. We can make her live again."

"You can? How?" Martouf asked, hopeful.

*Perhaps they have a sarcophagus?* Lantash suggested.

"We have a magical box which makes people well again, even from death. We can put her in it, if you want."

"A sarcophagus." Daniel concluded.

"Perhaps. We do not know that name. Do you wish us to heal her?"

"Yes." Jacob said, before anyone else could answer.

The local man nodded again. "Then you must let us take her immediately."

"We will accompany you." Martouf said.

"No, you cannot. No one but the initiated may approach the magical box. We will bring her back to you when she is again well."

"Do that, then. Hurry!" Jacob said.

The local leader issued several short orders to his people, and they took Sam and left with her.

All the rest of SG-1 and the Tok'ra could do was wait for her return. Hopeful all would go well and she would be returned to them whole and alive.

-----
They ended up having to wait for a long time - almost 24 hours - before a small group of natives approached them again.

A light rain had begun to fall, so they had moved their sleeping bags and other gear inside one of the more structurally sound parts of the ruins, into a building that still had a roof and offered some protection against the weather.

Sam was not with the locals, and her friends immediately got worried, thinking the sarcophagus had not been able to heal and resurrect her. Perhaps too long a time had passed before she was put in it?

The villagers went inside the building where Martouf an the others were waiting, but only just inside, and all of them had an uncomfortable expression. It was clear they did not like the ruins - perhaps this was not so strange. If the quakes were regular, these buildings may have become a dangerous place.

The locals bowed to their guests, all wearing a strange, somewhat apologetic expression.

The groups leader stepped forward. "I must ask for your forgiveness, since we cannot bring you that which we promised."

"The sarco...the magic box could not heal her and bring her back to life." Jacob said, a pained expression on his face. It was not a question.

"Her body was healed, and brought back to life, just as is normally the case." The man said. "However, her soul is different. A demon now lives in her."

"You mean she got some kind of brain damage that the...the magic box could not repair? That is highly unlikely. It should either have been able to heal her completely, or not at all." Jacob concluded.

"No. When she awoke, she was herself for a brief time. Then, her eyes glowed and her voice changed. She demanded our worship. It was clearly a demon. We recognized it. It was just like those on our old world. We do not know how it could have come here, or how it could have taken her, but something must have gone wrong. Perhaps it is a curse that has waited for us, because we fled from the slavery the evil gods and demons had put us in. If that is so, we are deeply sorry this curse of ours has hit your friend." He had a remorseful expression.

O'Neill, Teal'c, Daniel, and the Tok'ra all looked at each other, not sure what to say.

"Listen, we need a moment alone, and then we'd like you to take us to Carter...err, the demon...okay?" O'Neill told them.

The leader nodded. He rose, signalling his men, and they went outside the building to wait.

-----
"Could Carter have been taken over by a Goa'uld while we've been here? Have you found anything which could have contained one?"

"No. Absolutely not." Lantash said, still looking confused by what had happened. "I was with her almost the whole time, and I would have sensed it."

"Could the sarcophagus have resurrected Jolinar, then?" Daniel wondered.

"No." Jacob said, with conviction. He dipped his head, giving Selmak control.

"The sarcophagus cannot bring someone back after that much time." She explained. "It has been more than three years, and besides, Jolinar would have long since been completely absorbed by Samantha's body."

"The tendrils sent into the hosts brain would remain indefinitely." Si'anna pointed out.

"Yes, that is true, but the sarcophagus cannot bring Jolinar back from those. It would be like regrowing an entire human body from a finger! It simply does not work that way."

"As well, my Jolinar would never demand to be worshipped!" Lantash looked hurt.

"All right, then, that's out. Any other ideas?" O'Neill asked.

"Could it be sabotage?" Teal'c suggested.

"Perhaps it's time we take a look at the sarcophagus. Maybe someone has been keeping a stasis jar near it - or something." Daniel offered.

"Doubtful, but I agree, we should examine the sarcophagus." Si'anna said.

They went outside to join the locals, and told them they would still like to see Sam - or whomever it was - and that they would also very much like to take a look at the 'magic box'.

The natives were at first unwilling to let them examine it, but when Jacob suggested they otherwise might risk this happening again - and to one of their own this time - they quickly changed their minds and allowed the box to be checked.

Jacob and Si'anna were taken to the sarcophagus, while the rest of SG-1, together with Martouf were escorted to the planet's prison, where Sam was being kept. However, when the arrived, they were told they could not meet her.

"Why not? We demand to see her!" O'Neill and Martouf said at the same time.

"We would be happy to let you see her - and to let you take her with you. She has been most difficult. However, about 30 minutes ago, she suddenly grew quiet and soon after she laid down. She currently seems to be asleep and cannot be awakened. You will be allowed to meet her when she regains consciousness."

O'Neill took a deep breath and turned to Martouf.

"What could be the reason?"

"The Goa'uld could be healing something serious that needed all its attention, but that would not be the case as they just came out of the sarcophagus. If she were Tok'ra, she could be blending. Initially - if there is time - it is done like that, host and symbiote sharing, but the Goa'uld of course does not do that. They would just take what they wanted."

Daniel looked at the locals. "Did the Goa'uld...err, the demon say anything to you? Like a name or where she came from, perhaps?"

-----
Earlier that day.

Sam woke up inside some sort of small enclosure. She opened her eyes and looked around, feeling confused. She noticed she was lying on some sort of plateau, in the middle of a cube. The 'room' was barely larger than the plateau she was lying on.

Puzzled, she tried to remember what had happened. Her last memory was of going to look at some sort of Furling machinery. Then the ground had shook and the roof had come down.

She remembered feeling pain and being unable to breathe. Then all had become black and she remembered nothing further. She had thought it was the end, but apparently not.

Had she been dug out of there and taken to the infirmary at the SGC? No, this place was thoroughly alien, besides, she no longer felt any pain. This meant she was either healed - somehow - or this was all an hallucination. She sat up, suddenly noticing she sensed some sort of....presence.

As soon as she moved, an opening appeared at the other end of the room. She got up and exited through it. Outside, some of the locals were waiting for her. She smiled at them.

"Hello."

"Welcome back to life. After a ritual, purifying bath and a celebratory meal, we will take you to your friends." A young woman said.

"Thank you. I'm very grateful for..."

All of a sudden, the vague sensation of presence Sam had felt before was anything but vague. She felt herself being squashed down into a corner of her brain, so deep it felt as if she could barely breathe. Everything was suddenly far away and happened as if in a dream.

She got the impression her eyes flashed and that she was speaking, but it was not her formulating the words, and she could not control what was said. The locals seemed frightened now. All of a sudden she was hit by some kind of energy weapon and she felt herself collapse.

-----
When she was again able to sense anything, she found she was in a cell. The next thing she noticed was that she had no control over her body.

A Goa'uld, Sam's mind finally realised. How could she have become infested by a Goa'uld?
She thought back to when Jolinar took her as a host, and now realised the enormous difference. Even when the Tok'ra had kept Sam suppressed, she had somehow been gentler. Sam had never felt squashed or as if she could not breathe, she had merely been effectively blocked from any control of her body.

Also, Jolinar had constantly tried to talk to her, tried to explain, to apologize, even if Sam had not listened and only concentrated on fighting her. She realised she had never been punished for it, no matter how much she had fought or what nasty things she had said to Jolinar.

Not so with this symbiote. Sam was so far suppressed she was only vaguely aware of her surroundings and the symbiote had not even deigned to talk to her once.

Sam briefly tried to fight the Goa'uld, but she could not summon the strength to do so. It was as if she was tied down completely. She resigned to wait, certain the symbiote would not be able to keep this up indefinitely. Perhaps she should try to reason with her instead?

She almost laughed at the absurdity of the idea, but she would loose nothing by trying.

She attempted to speak to the symbiote, but she got no response. She then 'yelled' at her, mentally, as loudly and as persistently as she could.

That got the symbiote's attention!

*Insolent slave!* The Goa'uld sounded indignant, offended, almost, and she immediately suppressed Sam even further. It got to a point where she barely even sensed she was alive, had it not been for the intense pain the symbiote briefly allowed to course through her.

-----
A long time later, the symbiote seemed to loosed her grip a little, allowing Sam the ability to think again. Presumably, the Goa'uld had decided the host was of no further threat.

Sam tried to go through what had happened and how she might have become a host. She reasoned she must have been killed or at least very badly wounded in the cave-in. She had then presumably been healed and perhaps brought back to life by that device she had woken up in.

Since this planet had once been a Furling research station, presumably the healing device was of Furling design. That meant it could have unknown properties, very possibly different from that of a sarcophagus.

She gathered it was unlikely the people of this world had implanted her with a Goa'uld, given their ancestors had fled from one.

It was likewise unlikely one had been hidden in the Furling laboratory or in the healing device itself. The latter had presumably been used before by the locals, without this happening, or they would not have continued using it.

That left one and only one possible way the symbiote could have gotten into Sam. No matter how unlikely that was, it had to be so. The symbiote would have to be Jolinar, somehow resurrected.

But how? The symbiote's body had been completely absorbed into Sam's body...or had it? She suddenly remembered what the Tok'ra healers had told her when they had examined her after their mission to Netu.

Something about...nerve tendrils that would remain in her brain... Perhaps Jolinar could have been...regrown from those? But if the symbiote was Jolinar, then why was she behaving differently? Goa'uld?

Sam seemed to remember Jolinar had not been born Tok'ra, but even so. Should she not have been regrown with the DNA including her genetic memory - which would also contain Jolinar's own experiences? Those the symbiote had held in her brain as well?

Or could there be some reason why those memories were not saved in the DNA of the tendrils? Were those cells somehow different from the rest of a symbiote's cells?

Sam knew nothing about that, but she was reasonably sure a symbiote's DNA normally also contained a copy of their own, experienced memories. That meant the tendrils must somehow be different, and only have the genetic memory the Goa'uld was born with.

If that was indeed the case - and it would appear so - then Jolinar was back to being a Goa'uld.

It was just unfortunate Jolinar was one of those Tok'ra that had changed allegiance on her own, and was not born by Egeria.

Sam sighed. She had sometimes wished Jolinar was still alive and with her, but certainly not this way. The Tok'ra would probably be able to remove the symbiote, if she could get to them, but how would they react to a Jolinar who was Goa'uld?

Would they hope she could be redeemed and turn Tok'ra again? Sam did not think they would allow Jolinar to remain in her, waiting for that eventuality, though.

That reminded her...how would poor Martouf and Lantash react? To have their beloved mate returned to them - but as a Goa'uld and without the memories that made her who she was? Without the memories of them? Sam hoped they would realise such a Jolinar was not their Jolinar at all, and would not take it too hard.

Wait, Jolinar's memories...how much of that did she hold? How much of Jolinar's personality was buried in there as well? Sam knew most of what she held were inaccessible to her, except with the help of a memory recall device. It was fortunate that was the case, since she would have become even more changed by them otherwise, than what she already was.

But what about a symbiote? It was at least possible it could access it. Likely, even, with the greater control they had. So, how much was in there? Enough that Jolinar would turn Tok'ra again? Only enough for her to consider it?

All?

Sam tried to remember what the Tok'ra healers had told her. It was hard to think clearly in the current situation. She concentrated hard. Yes...there was the memory...she was almost certain they had said all of Jolinar's memories were there.

Whatever the case, Sam knew she would have to get Jolinar to look at it. It was her only chance. She hatched a plan...

-----
Sam began to pretend she had given up trying to fight Jolinar. Pretended she no longer cared if the symbiote looked at her knowledge and memories.

Whenever Jolinar got bored, she would go searching in Sam's mind, looking for anything interesting. She seemed to be bored often, but then, a prison cell was not exactly the ideal place for a Goa'uld Lord. Or anyone else for that matter.

The only part Sam guarded desperately was the memories from Jolinar - hoping it would make them appear more interesting and draw the symbiotes attention to them. Which it soon did.

*What is it you are guarding with such determination? You pathetic slave! You will soon realise all that was once yours is now mine.*

*The Tok'ra will remove you! Punish you! Evil Goa'uld!* Sam taunted.

*I have no idea what a Tok'ra is, nor do I care!* Jolinar sent a jolt of pain through Sam, that would have left her gasping, had she been able to.

When Sam could again think, she remembered Jolinar had been born before the Tok'ra had been created, so it was no wonder she had never heard of them. Perhaps that could be used to lure her in to look at the memories?

*Of course you don't know the Tok'ra! Such a weak, unimportant Goa'uld like you would not be privy to this information.* Sam scoffed, doing her best to hide her memories even deeper in her mind.

*Insolence! I shall teach you how to behave towards your god!* Jolinar was enraged - but very curious of Sam's memories. *Let me look at your foolish knowledge!* The symbiote spat.

Jolinar tore into the memories and ripped Sam's half-hearted defense to pieces. She quickly began going through all she found, some of it bleeding through to Sam. Much of it was things Sam had only been able to catch glimpses of before. Jolinar was clearly able to access it all, easily.

*You have the memories from a symbiote? You were a host before? How can this be?* Jolinar demanded. *Never mind...soon this knowledge you wished to hide from me shall be mine...*

She continued going through the memories, growing more and more quiet as she absorbed it.

-----
After what seemed like a very long time, Jolinar suddenly talked to Sam - and she now sounded very different, much more like she had done when she had just taken Sam as host the first time. On top of that, Sam felt herself regain control of her body.

*I see. It was my memories you were protecting so fiercely. No doubt you did so in the hopes of making me do exactly what I did. Very clever. I salute you. I now understand many things I did not before - re-understand, I suppose I should say. I have absorbed the majority of the memories I must accidentally have dumped in your brain when I...when I died. As far as I can tell, it is indeed all there...all that made me Jolinar. Me...who I was. Who I will be again. With your permission, I will go through the rest, and absorb all the knowledge and memories. I shall again be Tok'ra. Samantha...I am so very sorry for what I did. I behaved despicably. Like a Goa'uld. I do not know what to do, to ever make you forgive me. There is no excuse...I...*

Sam interrupted her before she could continue.

*Jolinar. Stop! I can't say with honesty I'm not angry. However, I do know - intellectually at least - that it was not your fault. I believe the following happened; a Furling healing machine...resurrected and healed both of us. Regrew you, I guess, presumably from the DNA in the tendrils you left behind in my brain. This means you only had the memories and knowledge you were born with, is that not correct? And if I am guessing correctly, you were not born a Tok'ra. You are one of those few who switched sides on your own, right?*

*Yes. I...was originally Goa'uld, and if your surmise about what had happened is indeed correct, that explains why I yet again became a Goa'uld.* Jolinar almost spat the last part, clearly not happy with herself or what she had temporarily reverted to. She was quiet for a long time, before Sam broke the silence.

*Jolinar - it really isn't your fault. Of course you may access the rest of your memories. They're yours, and no one has more right to them than you.*

*Thank you...* Jolinar sounded apprehensive. *The easiest - best - way to do this would be for us to blend. I realise this may be presumptuous of me, but...would you agree to that?* She sounded hopeful.

*Blend...* Sam experienced a moment of panic. *That's...um...going to make this permanent, isn't it?*

*You are unsure if you wish to remain my host. I cannot say I blame you. After what I did to you - both a little while ago, and when I originally...took you. Without permission. I did mean my offer then - and I do mean it now. I will leave you if that is what you wish. And you are correct. Blending is usually meant to be permanent.*

*But not necessarily?* Sam wondered. *It could be broken, if I found I could not - would not - remain your host?*

Jolinar did not answer immediately, and when she did she sounded apprehensive.

*It is possible to break a blending, but it is not normally advisable. I do not wish to delude you. You would be left with many memories from me - and this time they would be accessible. They would affect you much more than what they did before - and in your case, much more even than for any other former host. Everything is there - my memories, my knowledge, my emotions - that which makes me, me. Ordinarily, a former Tok'ra host would risk depression, at the very least, even if the blending had been brief. After a longer time, the psychological problems would be more severe. In your case, you would have grave difficulties separating who you are, if it would even be possible. In any case, it is not something to be done lightly. So, if you do not believe you wish to remain my host, I will attempt to access the rest of my memories without blending.*

Sam took a deep breath and remained silent for a long while. What did she want? She had long believed she would never want to be a host again - even if she had long since forgiven Jolinar for what she did on Nasya.

Even though she had sometimes missed Jolinar and thought about how it would have been if she was still there.

Sometimes, she had simply wished she did not have the symbiotes memories - and feelings - to confuse her and cloud her own emotions and judgment. Sometimes she wished Jolinar was there - to help her understand the things she remembered.

So blending and then having the symbiote leave would make this worse? Sam did not think she could survive that. No, if she agreed to blending, it would have to be permanent, but could she do it?

Then there was Martouf...and Lantash. She did not know what they would do. She more than suspected they had feelings for her, but if Jolinar was alive again, they would almost certainly become her mates again. No matter who her host was.

A full blending would probably mean she would feel Jolinar's emotions for them fully - on top of what she already felt. Both from Jolinar's memories, but also the strong emotions she had started to feel for them herself.

If Jolinar left her to take another host, she would continue to have those feelings. And Jolinar and her new host would undoubtedly become the mates of Martouf and Lantash. Sam was not sure she could handle that.

Actually, thinking about it, she was certain she could not handle it. Even without the blending, she felt a stab of pain in her heart at the thought of Jolinar and another host becoming Martouf and Lantash's mates. She knew it was selfish and petty, but she had to accept the truth.

To be honest, she also had to admit she could not stand the thought of loosing Jolinar again. It had been hard enough the first time, despite the experiences she had then just been put through.

So she would remain Jolinar's host. There was no other way. She had made her decision.

*Jolinar...I've thought about it. I wish to remain your host. We should blend.*

Happily, Jolinar hugged her.

*Thank you so much! I am very grateful you will continue to be my host - after all I have done I would have never thought that...*

*Don't talk about that anymore! It's not something I wish to think about ever again, and I'm quite certain you don't want be reminded of it either.*

*Agreed.* Jolinar shuddered.

Sam laid back down on the bench they were currently sitting on, and tried to relax and prepare for the blending process. She closed her eyes. To her own surprise, she felt at peace with the decision. No more confusion. She was looking forward to it.

-----
The rest of SG-1, as well as Martouf and Lantash looked expectantly at the locals, hoping they could at least tell them who the Goa'uld was. It might help them find a way to deal with her.

"Yes, she claims to be 'Lord Jolinar of Malkshur'."

The locals bowed and left, promising to return when Sam and Jolinar were awake.

"Jolinar!" Martouf said, shocked and disbelieving. "That cannot be true!"

"Could a Goa'uld have found Jolinar's memories in Sam and decided to use her name to try and trick us?" Daniel suggested.

"Possibly...but unlikely." He shook his head. "I do not know how a Goa'uld could have taken over Samantha in the first place. There simply was no opportunity...and why would a Goa'uld pretend to be a Tok'ra? And not just any Tok'ra, but one we know is dead? It makes no sense!" Martouf was getting frustrated.

"Okay, okay...sorry..." Daniel sounded apologetic, realising how unpleasant this subject must be for Martouf.

"What are you talking about?" Jacob demanded, walking into the room, followed by Si'anna.

"The snake in Carter's head claims to be good old Jolinar..." O'Neill informed him.

"Jolinar?" Jacob said.

"Perhaps it could be her..." Si'anna looked thoughtful.

Martouf bowed his head and gave control to Lantash.

"My Jolinar would never behave like a Goa'uld!" Lantash exclaimed.

"I am curious. Why do you believe it could be Jolinar?" Teal'c said.

"The device these people showed us was not a sarcophagus. It is used for healing, though. We believe it to be of Furling design, so there is really no way to know its capabilities. It may well be able to resurrect - and even regrow - Jolinar from what little was left of her." Si'anna explained.

"She's right. We've got no idea how advanced this thing is, or what it can do. However unlikely we'd normally think it was, I'd say we should at least consider it. Frankly, there's no other way she could come to have a symbiote in her. We talked to the locals. The device has been used many times, and she couldn't possibly have been taken over by a Goa'uld hiding in it - or in any of the other places we've been on this world. As far as we can tell, there's never been any Goa'uld here." Jacob explained, then dipped his head.

Selmak looked up a few moments later.

"The only remaining part of Jolinar, which have not been absorbed by Samantha's body - the nerve tendrils in the brain - is also the only part of a symbiote were the genetic memory in the DNA remains the same as it was at birth." She turned to Lantash. "I am sorry, but if this is indeed Jolinar, then she is as she was at birth. A Goa'uld."

Lantash's face fell and he closed his eyes for a few moments, trying to come to terms with the possibility.

"Jolinar was a Goa'uld?" Jack grimaced. "No wonder she behaved like that - when she took Carter, without asking. Suppressing her..."

Lantash looked angrily at him., his eyes flashing from the emotions. "Jolinar may have been born a Goa'uld, but she had changed - on her own - and she was as much a Tok'ra as we who are born by Egeria. She was sincere, completely loyal, and would never ever mistreat or enslave her host!"

"Sorry." O'Neill took a quick step back, to get away from the angry man. He felt some shame, realising he had gone too far. There was no reason to make the situation any worse for him. It would be hard enough already.

Lantash controlled himself with difficulty. He took a deep breath, steadying himself. "If, as you say, my Jolinar is now a Goa'uld, then she must of course be removed from Samantha. However, do not forget - we were told they appeared to be blending. A Goa'uld would not undertake such a process. If that is indeed what is happening, then Jolinar will find her own memories and hopefully re-absorb them. That should return her completely to the Jolinar we know."

"Not to be a pessimist, but...do you really think there's enough there to affect her? I mean, there can't be that many memories in there, because Sam only ever remembers glimpses." Daniel said.

"Samantha did not inform you?" Selmak wondered. Then she nodded. "Yes, she did seem confused still when the healers told her - or perhaps she did not consider it of great importance. However, as you know, after the mission to Netu, you all stayed in the tunnels for some time, recovering from the effects of the 'Blood of Sokar' and the place itself. Our healers gave Samantha a thorough examination, since she suffered much worse than the rest of us - both from a combination of the 'Blood of Sokar' and from the many memory flashes from Jolinar's life. She had received a larger dose of the drug, similar to what she would have received had she still been a host, since the naquadah would otherwise have countered it."

"Get to the point!" O'Neill said, irritated.

"I will. When our healers examined Samantha, they found something surprising. Somehow all of Jolinar's memories, feelings, knowledge - all that she was - had been stored in Samantha's brain. It is an enormous amount of information, and most of it is not accessible to Samantha. Fortunately, since she would otherwise have become much more Jolinar than herself. In any case, if Jolinar does indeed access and re-absorb those memories, she will become herself again, just as we knew her. That is what we must hope for."
 

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